'It was like a punch in the face': Falkirk-born dancer reflects on highs and lows of ballet life in debut memoir

The book, Reflections of a Failed Ballerina: A Success Story, covers Louise’s 60-year journey in the dancing world, from being told she wouldn’t make it as a dancer to becoming the founder of Stirling's award-winning Monument Dance Centre.

The contradictory title is fitting as Louise recalls the “punch in the gut” feeling of finding out she wouldn’t make it as a ballerina, to the passion and joy she found in becoming a dance mentor, alongside the ups and downs of life in between.

Louise, now 66, always had a “burning desire to dance” and dreamt of becoming a ballerina since she was a child. She trained in local classes in Falkirk before heading to Edinburgh for full-time dance school where she then went on to do a mid-winter audition in Hamburg.

“Reality hit me in the face. I thought, ‘No, I’m just not going to make it, I’ll have to work so hard that I’ll kill myself in the process’. It was like a punch in the face,” she said.

After seeing the competitive nature of the art up close, Louise felt her “big dream” crumble.

Yet, in a household that preached gratefulness, Louise wasn’t allowed to wallow in her disappointment for long.

“My mum would say, ‘What’s the problem about not becoming a ballerina? You can dance, there’s people that can’t walk’, that kind of mindset,” she said.

After pulling herself up and dusting off her crumbled dream, a “reasonably successful” career as a variety dancer followed on stage and on television. Along the way, she kept trying to start up a dance school after falling in love with teaching when she covered her old ballet teacher’s class for a few weeks, but professional dancing was dividing her attention.

“I had to choose to give up dancing completely to concentrate on my own ballet school,” she recalled.

The transition made sense to Louise, who was married and in her 30s at this point and wanted to settle down rather than tour around the country for auditions.

“I absolutely love teaching and I really believe that every child should dance. Every person should dance, actually, no matter their age because there’s just so many benefits, physically and mentally.

“That passion has just never left me,” she said.

Her memoir is ten years in the making as she began writing down snippets of her life when she received a cancer diagnosis and had to go through treatment.

Scribbling down memories of her childhood kept her mind occupied, and during the pandemic the writing began again.

After sharing pieces with her friends and going on a writing retreat at Gartmore House where Laura Fyfe, who was Stirling’s Makar at the time, asked her what she wanted to do with her writing, Louise decided to get the book published.

Louise, who was worrying about self publishing, asked her friend Julie Christie for advice, when she discovered she ran a publishing house with her brother. After chatting about the memoir, Louise sent a few chapters to Julie and her brother Tom Christie, who said they would be “delighted” to publish it. Louise was “over the moon” with the news, ready to get her heartfelt memoir out to the world.

While writing, she uncovered her desire to stray from the cliché ballet books.

“Every book that I’ve read about ballet dancers, they’re one dimensional characters where dance is the only thing in their life and, of course, the happy ending at the end where they end up being the prima ballerina. It’s really not like that, it’s not the great fairy tale it’s made out to be.

“There’s quite a lot of my own history and social history [in the book],” she said.

One chapter discusses puberty and growing up, and she toyed with the idea of whether or not she should speak about periods as the topic was rather taboo to talk about when she was growing up.

“I had a terrible time growing up with periods and I was embarrassed because you didn’t talk about things like that. I thought, ‘Bloody hell, it’s going in’, and I was determined that it was going to be included,” Louise said.

She hopes her book will convey a message that talent should be nurtured, but sticking to one area may not bring the sought-after fairy tale ending.

Louise said: “We are very quick to say to children if you work hard, you can achieve anything. That’s not strictly true because there’s a lot of luck that you need in various careers, especially in the arts where the gatekeepers are the ones that decide whether you’re going to be a success or not. If you don’t get a foot in the right door at the right time, it’s hard.

“We should be trying to persuade children to work hard and follow whatever they have a passion for, but [we should also encourage them to] explore other options. Don’t just stick to one thing, give them options to try and find out where each child’s talent lies and encourage them at the same time as helping them explore what they can do with that talent.”

Reflections of a Failed Ballerina: A Success Story is available to purchase from online retailers and in bookshops now.