Foster carers: Looking for Falkirk people who can give children 'love and stability'

Sandra and Leslie, who have been fostering for almost six years, look after Gracie – not her real name – who now lives with them permanently.

For Foster Care Fortnight, which starts on May 9, they agreed to tell their story, in the hope that it might persuade others who might be thinking about fostering to take the next step.

Sandra said: “I was widowed in my mid-thirties before meeting and marrying Leslie. Leslie was also married before, so we very much believe in second chances.

“Because we don’t have any birth children between us, we thought that maybe we could give somebody a second chance. For us to be able to give a child that stability and be their family was a huge thing.”

They had often thought about fostering over the years and had twice started the process before deciding the time wasn’t right for them.

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“The third time we were going through the process, the timing was just right,” said Sandra. “I was made redundant so everything just fell into place.

“We have done periods of short breaks and emergency care, but now we’ve made the decision that it’s better to stay just the three of us, which means we can be there properly to support Gracie through her teenage years.”

Before fostering Gracie, they were apprehensive.

“House rules mainly – things like am I going to be too strict, are bedtimes right, are we expecting too much from her? Because if you haven’t been a parent, or even if you had been a parent, you’re second guessing yourself,” said Sandra.

There was also a fear of rejection. “What if she doesn’t like us? What if her mum tries to take her away, what if her mum tries to fill her head with nonsense about us?” they wondered.

But those fears soon melted away and soon Gracie’s mum visited for a coffee and was able to see her daughter’s room.

“That definitely helped, she could see that Gracie was safe and well looked after,” said Sandra. “I keep in touch with her mum by text and I’ll meet up for coffee and catch up with her. It just works.”

Now, they are delighted to watch Gracie grow as a person – and seeing her achieve things things she once did not think possible.

Sandra said: “She still struggles socially a bit at school, but that’s just the way she is. Because of the way we bring her up with rules, routines and boundaries, Gracie is absolutely thriving.

“She has great reports from school, she’s doing all Nat 5s and has picked all her subjects. Her Head of House says that we’re a credit to Gracie and that she’s perfectly capable of going to university.

“We’re big on life skills, doing the washing, loading the dishwasher, walking the dog, baking and making soup etc.

“Seeing her learn to do these things, and it just becoming a natural pattern is great. She is such a lovely, well-mannered young lady, and we take pride in that, especially when other people say she’s so polite.”

Foster Care Fortnight, organised by the Fostering Network every year, is keen to emphasise how much support foster carers give each other.

Sandra agrees that keeping in touch with other foster parents is vital.

She said: “Having a network is so important, to build up a relationship with other carers. Not just for helping look after your wee one or whatever you’re doing, but it’s so useful as a sounding board.”

Another couple, who have fostered with Falkirk Council for 14 years – in that time caring for around 50 young people – are also speaking out, though they prefer to remain anonymous.

Lucy and Tommy – not their real names – have children of their own and started fostering when their son was six.

Tommy had himself been in care as a child and was determined to help others in the same situation. And while they admit it’s “not all pretty”, they are in no doubt about the value of their work as foster carers.

“You might not always feel it in the moment, and it might take time for it to show, but you know you make a difference,” said Lucy.

“We’ve had one boy who lived with us for four years and behaved like he hated us the entire time. He came back to see us on his 18th birthday, saying ‘nobody’s made me pancakes on my birthday since I’ve left’.

“If that’s the one thing that he remembers that I’ve done right by him, it’s that I’ve made him pancakes on his birthday. So I made him pancakes on his 18th.

Her advice to anyone thinking about fostering is ask lots of questions.

She said: “Try and speak to existing Foster Carers, because they will give you the true representation. They will give you the good, bad and the ugly, because it’s not all pretty and it can be a rough ride sometimes!”

Falkirk Council service manager Sharon Laing says many foster carers tell them how important it is to support each other, complementing the training and support offered by social work staff.

She said: “We a very fortunate to have a great bunch of foster carers across Falkirk, who are always happy to buddy up with new foster carers and to welcome them into our foster carers peer support group.”

“Our foster carers tell us that they also have a great network of informal support, where they can reach out to each other for advice or just a listening ear, from someone who understands the reality of fostering.”

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