I was in Glasgow last week when I realised Disney is trying to take over the world.
My son dragged me to a Disney shop so he could spend the Easter cash windfall he conned out of his grandparents on some piece of overpriced corporate tat.
Glancing at the shelves I noticed Mickey, Donald, Goofy and the gang, but then I started seeing other familiar characters – Spiderman, Captain America, Hulk, Kermit the Frog, Miss Piggy, R2D2 and Chewbacca.
Then I remembered Disney, like the giant greedy conglomerate it is, has been taking over all things good in the world – Marvel, the Muppets and Star Wars – and moulding them into its own slightly sinister goody goody image.
Walt Disney had a good head for business – if the rumours are true it’s cryogenically frozen in the Epcot Centre – but even he would have drawn the line by now.
I refuse to watch Star Wars: The Last Jedi because of what they did to poor old Han Solo in The Force Awakens.
Disney prides itself on creating happy childhood memories, but it totally desecrated my own formative years when it masterminded a feeble “was that it?” end for one of science fictions coolest characters and then quickly tried to placate us by producing a film showing Han Solo in his younger, happier years.
Congratulations Disney, you succeeded where Darth Vader, Boba Fett and Jabba the Hutt all failed – you killed Han Solo.
This is the wisecracking sneak of a space captain who shot Greedo – at least in the film version I saw – in cold blood in Mos Eisley cantina.
Not the kind of image Disney wants to portray, so Han’s days were numbered the minute Walt’s team took over.