There can be few things more embarrassing than falling as an adult.
When I say falling down, I mean full-on, completely losing your balance and landing in a completely undignified way on the ground like a sack of potatoes.
No, I’m not talking about Madonna, I’m talking about me.
Yes, running late add on icy driveway plus well-worn shoes equalled a fall for me last week.
Although it sort of happened in slow motion in my head, I was on the cold ground in a flash, banging my shoulder and head off the bumper of my car, and my, eh, behind and arm on the concrete.
Completely and utterly mortified.
Despite the fact that I could have been concussed or, at the very least, suffered a fractured funny bone, medical help was not the first thing that came to my mind.
It was, of course, the ‘did anyone see that?’ panic.
I’m not sure they did.
I did do a quick scan of the windows of my neighbours and I couldn’t see anyone.
By this time, however, they were probably too busy rolling around laughing on the floor that they wouldn’t be visible to me.
I sat in the car, a little shakey I must say, and gave myself a stern talking to.
“Stupid old woman,” I said, which did nothing but bring on lots of big, fat tears.
While falling and bumping your bum is hilarious when you’re two years old, when you’re mid-50s it can do much more damage.
My fall came less than 48 hours after the Queen of Pop did much the same thing at the Brit Awards.
If you didn’t see it, then your probably heard about it.
The ultimate material girl lost her footing and crashed down some steps to a very hard landing.
When the ‘did anyone see that?’ thought crept through her head, in her case the answer, unfortunately, was YES.
Several million actually.
But, Madonna, a true pro, got up clearly in a bit of pain and carried on until the end.
We’re a lot alike, Madge and me. We both could have ran away, hiding under the covers for several days to get over the humiliation. But we didn’t. She finished the song at the Brits, and I finished the weekly shop at Morrisons.
But, it will certainly be ‘Something to Remember’.