Take Note: Noising up the audience

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Everyone’s a critic.

Excessive volume, crowd crushes and Jessie J are just some of the hazards that gig-goers may encounter.

But performers can also be at risk – from their own fans.

Take former Sex Pistol John Lydon (nee Rotten), lamped by a flying glass in Chile. He staggered on, hardened by years of 
being attacked by fascists in the streets, as well as sharing a stage with a blood-drenched Sid 
Vicious (who, to be fair, had usually started the trouble in the first place).

Seemingly, Lydon 
soldiered on, almost 
taking the missile as a form of affection.

Similarly, I recall DJ John Peel saying how he would header away the empty cans that flew towards him at the Reading Festival, until the vessels arriving weren’t empty (and it wasn’t lager that was in them either).

Perhaps it’d be safest for all if gigs were alcohol-free? Although, if we do away with booze, we might as well ditch the £30 T-shirts and
rubbish food you’d have to be hammered to buy in the first place.

This might suit Adele, who has been ‘banned’ from pizza. No, it’s not what you were thinking. Despite kicking the fags, now she’s found that cooked tomatoes are
affecting her voice.

To cheer her up, I’m sending her a batch of my wife’s delicious spaghetti sauce. She’ll be unable to resist...