There are three non-negotiables I have when it comes to choosing my holiday abode - solid walls, running water and a flushable toilet.
Camping is therefore very definitely ruled out, but a caravan just slips under the radar.
So, once again, the Hume family headed to deepest Ayrshire for our annual spring break.
Craig Tara was our destination this time around – those among you of a certain age may even remember it in its former guise, the Butlins holiday camp on the outskirts of Ayr.
It’s certainly changed from when I visited it as a 10-year-old. The two things I recall from back then were buying tubs of cockles for 10p a time and getting my picture taken with young Celtic star Roy Aitken who led a football coaching course. Neither helped me in my ambition to become a professional player.
The cockles have been replaced by burgers and Aitken ... well, they’ve not even bothered replacing him, but one thing that remains constant is the amusement arcade.
And, it seems my addiction to the ‘penny falls’ has been passed down to my son who showed an alarming delight at feeding the machines as fast as he could.