It’s a bit early for Halloween, but here’s a wee tale of terror to keep you going ‘til the end of October.
And it’s all dead true.
Covering a music video shoot in the Howgate Centre featuring zombies eventually led - thanks to my wife’s insistence - to the two of us signing on to become members of the living dead from 8 p.m. to 4 a.m.
I was reluctant at first, but Jayne said it would be fun and after I had my make-up applied I did start to enjoy myself. Yawning like a fool at 8.30 p.m., I even thought I would make it through to the very end.
Then came the “Zombie Dance Off”.
Under the dictatorial direction of a self-appointed alpha zombie dressed in a shirt and tie I was forced into a bit of “zombie zumba”.
Suffice to say this was the plank that broke the zombie’s back for me. I just had to convince Jayne to join my escape bid.
With our motor locked inside the Howgate’s level one car park and not wanting to explain ourselves to the powers that be, we decided to leave it and pick it up later.
What followed will probably be viewed by Howgate CCTV staff at their Christmas party, as Jayne and I, still in full zombie mode, wandered around aimlessly looking for a way out.
One handy fire door later we were free.
A youngster, who we’d talked to minutes earlier from behind the car park fence, observed “you managed to escape then”.
We trudged down Falkirk High Street - no one gave us a second glance - and got on a number 4 bus back to Grangemouth in time to catch Rab De Niro and Al Pacino in ‘Heat’.
What a dead boring couple.