Kate Livingstone: Escape to country living is not for me

In case you are not familiar, it’s a TV programme where a couple has far more money than most of us could hope to ever have at their disposal but they still cannot find their dream home.

Instead they involve a TV crew to search out something suitable. Yes I know, there are lots of similar programmes but this one has one criteria common to all the couples in that they want to escape to the country.

While I love some of the beautiful properties they are shown round, I must admit that there are some that even if I had the cash I wouldn’t entertain.

A thatch roof is certainly not for me since I heard that ‘critters’ could be living in it. Not sure if it’s true but despite looking like the cover of a chocolate box as my old mum says, it would be a no.

Then there are beams. No thanks.

Firstly, I’m not tall but I’m not petite either and I don’t fancy having to duck all the time. And can you imagine how much dust will get caught up in the gnarled wooden beams?

Mrs Hinch would not be in favour and frankly neither am I.

However, the real reason I’ve decided that country life is not for me has nothing to do with the properties and their idyllic landscapes on offer, it’s a much smaller thing that puts me off.

The midge.

Yes you’re right. These pesky insects definitely put me off country living.

It seems that I only have to step over the back door for the pesky critters to make a beeline for me – I’m obviously seen as a tasty treat.

I was out doing a bit of tidying up in the garden the other evening and by bedtime I was scratching away. By morning I was covered in red welts that were itchy for days afterwards.

Now I’ve read that they could be carrying allsorts of viruses.

Apparently not something to get worried about but as someone who seems to be considered breakfast, lunch and dinner for these flying insects it’s something else to worry about.

If anyone has a foolproof way to avoid being bitten alive by midges then I’d love to hear.

Otherwise I’m going to have to stay indoors until the first cold snap!