There are two kinds of people in this world, so my opening remarks this week depend on which one you are.
For type A, I hope that you had a very Happy Halloween and that the ‘blood stains’ come out of the bath and those zombie eyeballs and maggots you had for supper were delicious.
If you’re the second kind of person, I hope that you didn’t have to lie on the floor with the lights out for too long as you waited for the guisers to go away.
I exaggerate, of course because actually, the truth, as ever, lies somewhere in the middle. There’s certainly a bit of both in me.
I’m sure I’m not the only one who loves to see tiny kids in comical get-ups tell me their favourite joke or sing a song but I’m not so keen on teenagers who arrive at the door, scorning monkey nuts, apples and sometimes even sweets. They’ll be taking card payments soon, no doubt.
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But the children love it – even if I’ve resigned myself to the fact that my grandchildren now might as well be talking Greek when we’re discussing costumes.
“I’m going as Bendy ...”
“You know, from Bendy and the Ink Machine ...”
I do not know and I’m certainly not going to ask because it will inevitably end in dismay as I once again fail to appreciate their latest obsession. There’s just no point – it’ll be something else in a week or so.
More frightening than any ghost is the fact that we are now into November and I don’t know where the time goes.
On Monday we’ll have Bonfire Night when I’ll head to Callendar Park with thousands of other Falkirk Bairns.
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It’s always a good show and hopefully will stop people buuying their own fireworks to terrify the neighbourhood’s pets.
And after Bonfire Night we’re officially allowed to mention Chr... nope, not yet, sorry!
But the best thing about this cold, dark time of year, as far as I’m concerned, is not the fun of Halloween, or the magic of fireworks.
Nope, this is the perfect time of year to get excited about a good plate of soup and my colleagues and I have already started swapping recipes.
This is a Scottish tradition that stretches back to the dark ages (between November and February) and I for one intend to keep it going.
I just hope it doesn’t get too commercialised ...