There are few easier gigs for a Scottish comedian than being asked to poke fun at England’s failures at successive World Cups.
So when the BBC rang Des Clarke to ask if he would do just that on a recent programme looking at Auld Enemy’s worst ever international players, it didn’t take him long to accept.
“It’s one of the few gigs I’ve done without any research,” he said. “They just threw names of terrible players at me and asked me to react.”
Depending on how Roy Hodgson’s side perform at the next tournament in Brazil, which kicks off on June 12, Des could well have some new England dunces to laugh at by the time he plays Funny in Falkirk on July 24.
The comic, who is no stranger to the town, will debut his new show ‘The Trouble With Being Des’ at The Falkirk Stadium’s Westfield Lounge as part of the comedy festival.
“Falkirk has been really good to me,” he said. “I’ve done more shows in the town than anywhere else, with the exception of Edinburgh and Glasgow.
“I’ve done loads of shows in my career about all kinds of topics, but I’ve never really looked at my own life.
“I’m not sure if it’s an early midlife crisis, or a late teenage crisis. That’s for the audience to decide.
“I’m 33 now, the same age as when Jesus died - so it’s a good time to reflect.
“It’s about growing up, being called Desmond in Glasgow. I just used to bully myself - it was quicker.
I also had quite advanced facial hair for a six-year-old. I had a moustache and wore glasses. I think most people walked into the classroom and thought I was the janny.”
Away from stand-up, Des presents a popular breakfast show on Capital FM.
Despite having to wake each weekday at 4.30 a.m., he still plans to take his new show for a full run at the Edinburgh Fringe in August.
“My bodyclock goes off like a bomb each morning. But it’s a great job.
“Plus the Fringe is the comedy equivalent of the World Cup; everybody wants to be there,” he added.
“And, as hosts, Scotland qualify automatically!”
The Falkirk Herald has a pair of tickets to give away to Des’ show at the Westfield Lounge on July 24. To win, simply answer the following question: what year did Scotland last qualify for the World Cup? Email your answer to email@example.com by noon on Tuesday. Usual Falkirk Herald terms and conditions apply.