The Benchman: Good viewing? No way, Jose

Can you name this studious young man? Tweet your answer @FalkirkHeraldSp
Can you name this studious young man? Tweet your answer @FalkirkHeraldSp
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The Benchman is bored by the tired antics of Jose Mourinho.

GLASS HALF-FULL? A draw on opening day isn’t the end of the world. Morton were in party mood and they were determined to mark their return to the Championship in style. It is important to start well and not end the month chasing points in premature desperation. We are higher up the league than Hibs and St.Mirren at the moment.

Over the years we have seen divers at Brockville and The Falkirk Stadium who would put Tom Daley to shame

AND ABOUT TIME TOO: Well, well,well. The FA are determined to punish those divers who cheated their way to win penalties and free kicks or get fellow-professionals booked or sent off. If video evidence proves they cheated- they will receive retrospective retribution. Can we have this back-dated please? Over the years we have seen divers at Brockville and The Falkirk Stadium who would put Tom Daley to shame. One day we might name them, once the 50 year rule kicks in.

IT’S AN OMEN: I wasn’t at the game on Saturday, but kept in touch via all the usual modern media. I really thought we were going to win when I spotted a pub in Cardiff called Bar 1876. It’s up for sale at the moment if BTW are interested.

MANAGERS: We watched the Chelsea v Swansea game in a Cardiff pub with the sound off. Every two seconds, the camera seemed to focus on Jose Mourinho. You didn’t need to be a lip reader to work out that he didn’t think the referee was a great chap and at the very peak of his profession. Why bother pandering to this strutting peacock whose affectations and gestures are all timed to impress the watching millions? Football is all about the guys on the park. End of.

THIS WEEK’S NO WAY SHERLOCK AWARD: Wowee! These boffins have done it again. This time the brains at Portsmouth University (what?) have studied oodles of data to come up with the astounding conclusion that playing games in the Europa League can seriously damage your league form. Good to see research funding going to good causes. Any punter whose team looked like wrung-out rags after a Thursday night game somewhere in Outer Europe could have told you that - all for the price of a pint.

MONEY TALKS: When Sepp Blatter was the victim of a publicity stunt and was showered with fake dollar bills, many thought this was an original jolly jape and felt the prankster had made a valid point. Well- Falkirk fans had seen a similar event at Brockville when big-spending Livingston came to town. Having hoovered up all the best players in their division, they felt they could buy the title. As Messrs. Hagen, Crabbe and Keith were in the opposing squad, one Bairns fan made his point by throwing a fistful of Monopoly money into the away dug-out. Epic stuff.

ANSWERS: Last week’s picture featured Jim Scott and the highest League ground is Clyde’s Broadwood.

TEASER: From which club did Falkirk sign Jamie McQuilken?