The Benchman: You’re a big man, but you’re in a bad shape

Who is playing Santa? Tweet your answer @FalkirkHeraldSp
Who is playing Santa? Tweet your answer @FalkirkHeraldSp

The Benchman wonders when Falkirk will get its own international team having considered the size of some other places that have joined UEFA.

GEOGRAPHY? Who in their right mind arranges a game for a Tuesday evening between Elgin City and East Stirlingshire? Part-time players having to take time off work. A journey for ‘Shire supporters of some 360 miles. Back home about two in the morning. Attendance of 363 people. Income v Expenditure? Madness.

Over the years we have seen, how shall we put it, some big players. Sometimes described as ‘hefty’, ‘solid’ and ‘beefy’, they were quite simply overweight

HAWAII? Hello, is that you Mr Chopra? How do you fancy a spell in Hawaiian football? I’ve got you a gig at Aloha. You’ll love it. Sea, sun, surf. Good terms, too. Fine.Fast forward two days. Eh, Michael- it’s actually Alloa. Hello, Michael?#

HEARTS ATTACK: Sometimes you just have to admit it- we were second best. Stand Up For The Champions - and they looked like they would be. They looked like a top-tier team and played like one. Their recovery has been remarkable.

ROCK SOLID: Gibraltar. Population 29,500. Falkirk. Population 35,000. And they have an International football team in Gibraltar?

50 YEARS AGO: There was a lot in the papers about the 50th Jock Stein taking over at Parkhead. We will soon have the 50th anniversary of one of his major set-backs. Wednesday, April 14 anniversary of Falkirk 6 Celtic 2. The team was Whigham, Lambie and Hunter, Houston, Baillie and Fulton. Graham, Gourlay and Wilson. Moran and Halliday.

HE AIN’T HEAVY: Over the years we have seen, how shall we put it, some big players. Sometimes described as “hefty”, “solid” and “beefy”, they were quite simply overweight. There are various euphemisms for the excess body fat, but now we have a new one. A player of generous proportions can now be described as being of “Genero’s proportions.” The Hearts striker wore his shirt outside his shorts and that might disguise an expansive waistline. I thought Armand One and Christian Nade were big guys, but Genero looked to be in the super-heavyweight class.

ACCIDENT AND EMERGENCY: You couldn’t make it up. Rangers sign five players on loan from Newcastle United and then admit that two of them will never be able to play for the club due to illness and injury. Oh, yes - and they are paying for their services. Quote of the year from manager Stuart McCal: “We didn’t have guys coming in who were hitting the ground running, being ready to play.” Maybe they were injured hitting the ground?

ANSWERS: Last week’s ground was Cathkin Park, the home of Third Lanark. The first competitive opponents at The Falkirk Stadium were Montrose.

TEASER: From which club did Falkirk sign Lee Bullen?

MYSTERY PIC: Which former player is playing Santa? Tweet your answer @FalkirkHeraldSp

CAPPED, NOT CAPPED: Great to see Stephen Kingsley get called up to the Scotland Under- 21 side for the game in Hungary, but what about Craig Sibbald? His recent form surely merits a place in the squad. Stephen joins a long list of players who were given call-ups after they left Falkirk.