The Benchman: It’s knot easy listening at Central Park

Can you name this goalkeeper? Tweet your answers @FalkirkHeraldSp
Can you name this goalkeeper? Tweet your answers @FalkirkHeraldSp

The Benchman was impressed by Cowdenbeath’s apparent political neutrality and wonders if a well-known Corrie character has taken charge in the home dugout.

WHAT’S IN A NAME? The guy on the PA at Central Park was a real throw-back to the good old days. None of this loud, noisy stuff. Hits from the 60s and 70s. Played on a mono record player. He really struggled with Ollie’s name and his attempts changed each time he had to say it. Just his luck that the first Falkirk player to be substituted was....guess who?

HAVE YOU EVER? Have you ever seen Cowdenbeath’s manager, Jimmy Nicholl, and Coronation Street’s Jim McDonald in the same room? Yer man sounds just like him - so he does.

CLAPOMETER: It was interesting to hear the variation in noise levels as the Falkirk team was announced. Applause changed from player to player. It reminded you of the famous clapometer on Opportunity Knocks TV show with Hughie Green. Needless to say Rory Loy’s name got the biggest response. It wouldn’t be right to say whose name was greeted with what they used to call “polite applause”.

WE’RE NOT IN KANSAS ANYMORE: They changed the positions of the management dug-outs at Central Park and this caused a near disaster just before kick-off when a sudden gust of wind lifted the aforementioned structure right up and blew it over. All we needed was Dorothy and Toto and we could have been off to the Emerald City.

POLITICALLY NEUTRAL: Good to see the citizens of Cowdenbeath were not being influenced by either faction in the referendum campaign. Saltire, Union Jack, Saltire, Union Jack - all spaced out round the stock car circuit. Commendable impartiality.

COME, COME OUT WHEREVER YOU ARE: There will be wanted posters all over the Kingdom seeking the known whereabouts of the missing half-time lottery winner. Three appeals and still no sign of the lucky winner. When we went to print, the prize of £2.17.6 remained unclaimed. This would never have happened on Jean’s watch at The Falkirk Stadium.

ANSWERS: Last week’s picture showed a young Eamonn Bannon and should have shown Frank Kopel as well, had it not been for some over-zealous cropping by a person or persons unknown! The Count was the nickname of John McCormack.

TEASER: Which Falkirk player moved to Chelsea and won Scotland caps in the close season between leaving Brockville and arriving at Stamford Bridge?

WORLD RECORD ATTEMPT: What a palaver! I am going to contact the Guinness Book of Records to register the slowest time to tie a pair of football book laces. Cowdenbeath’s Thomas O’Brien took ages to tie his laces after losing his boot in a challenge. Referee and players watched and waited and waited. In the time he took to complete the act, I was able to go out, buy a pie, walk round the ground, check the oil level in the car and also have an in-depth conversation with a local worthy on the situation in the Middle East.