BENCHMAN: Bubble and squeak

At which ground is John Clark taking a trademark free-kick?
At which ground is John Clark taking a trademark free-kick?

The Benchman has been whistling West Ham anthem ‘I’m forever blowing bubbles’ after Saturday’s match... but in reference to the hot tub or the curry club?

LINKS TO THE PAST

I had an interesting pre-match chat with a former colleague, and secret Sons fan, who had at one time worked alongside the great Archie Aikman. Archie would have won the Adidas Golden Boot if the trophy had existed back then. He scored 21 goals for Falkirk in season 1948/49 - the best in the whole of Europe.

BATTERED AND BRUISED

That was a good example of old-fashioned Scottish football - end to end stuff and no quarter asked or given. Dumbarton were a stuffy side and only tired in the final quarter. Myles Hippolyte’s “shiner” shows how much effort was put into the game by the players. Looked a sore one.

A STROLL IN THE PARK?

Well done to the Shire on their goal tally against the Civil Service Strollers. Statisticians everywhere will have been scouring the archives to find the last time the team rattled in eight goals. (1962, see p80 - Sports ed)

CHAMPIONS LEAGUE

It shows how much money is floating around in football, when clubs like Ross County, Partick Thistle and Inverness (no disrespect) get a quarter of a million quid from last season’s Champions League funds.

EMPTY SEATS

Kilmarnock at home to Rangers on a fine dry Friday night. Did you see the empty seats in the home stands? OK - it was live on TV, but when the home season ticket holders can’t be bothered to turn out we have a problem.

CUTTING THE MUSTARD

Well done Chris Coleman for staying with Wales and turning down a lucrative move to Hull City. His achievements last summer were commendable. He maybe spoke to Steve Bruce?

BLOWING BUBBLES

Could have been a disaster. Curry Club followed by a Hot Tub session. At least the programmed flow of bubbles would have masked any embarrassments. It was the weirdest thing I have ever seen at a football match, and I was so disappointed that Lee Miller didn’t run over to the tub and dive in to celebrate his goal.

REMINDER

At the end of the match, as our Tubbers emerged from their soaking, one old lady turned to her husband and reminded him that she had to pop into the local supermarket on the way back home to get some chipolatas and some pickled walnuts.

DIVIDE AND RULE

Quite often there is a lack of unity in a dressing-room. The late Brian Clough had the secret to team harmony. Keep the six who hate you away from the five who haven’t made their minds up yet.

DESIGN A STRIP

Great idea from Morton, who are asking youngsters to design their club’s away kit for next season.

ANSWERS

Last week’s mystery pic was from a Brockville encounter between Falkirk and Hearts. The featured players were John Robertson and Colin McNair. Russell Latapy was signed from Dundee United.

TEASER

Falkirk transferred Derek McWilliams to which club?

BENCHMARKS

Match rating: 9

Team: 7 Opposition:6

Referee: Robertson 7

Best Bairn: Myles Hippolyte