Worried about new banknotes

Pic Michael Gillen 28/04/2009. Deborah Punshon. Deborah Fox.
Pic Michael Gillen 28/04/2009. Deborah Punshon. Deborah Fox.

I was disappointed to read the new plastic £5 note that will soon be going into circulation in Scotland won’t be able to withstand extreme heat.

It means that, alas, you won’t be able to iron your money and keep your cash in pristine condition.

I mean, don’t they think these things through?

Yes, it will be able to survive the pressure of going though the washing machine, which as we all know is a lifesaver.

I regularly forget about tons of cash that I stuff into dirty pockets and then absent-mindedly chuck into the five-times-a-week wash.

The fact is, that, if you’re anything like me, you hardly ever have actual money.

Within about 24 hours of being paid, around 15 organisations help themselves to my bank account and I dwindle the rest away at various supermarkets over the next four weeks.

Any money I do have in my purse, quickly, as if by magic, tranforms itself from the paper kind to bits of shrapnel that eventually is good for nothing else other than my coppers bowl.

Indeed, having it around for long enough is almost as rare as the solar eclipse itself.

So, for many of us, money is already plastic, and a few days before payday, I become good friends with Mr Visa.

If money really does make the world go around, then I have a very practical solution.

The next time a new note is introduced, could it possibly be the kind that, if you sit in on a sunny window sill for long enough it multiplies?

This would be far more convenient, and yes, if I ever had a spare 30 seconds, it might be nice to give it a wee going over with the steam iron too.

Simples!