Why I’ll never be a master criminal

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Channel changer in hand, I like to ‘flick’ before heading to bed.

Usually I navigate all the channels both up and back down again before deciding there’s nothing worth watching and retiring as planned.

Occasionally I’ll unearth a gem – or at least some intriguing telly – and usually on one of the more obscure stations, such as Dave and Yesterday, which now proliferate in Freeview.

One such occasion was Tuesday night when I stumbled upon ‘Secrets of the Shoplifter’ on Channel 4.

What drew me in was the early assertion that a third of us admit to shoplifting at one time or another.

Really? Well I certainly fall into the other two thirds. Even if the notion did take me, I certainly wouldn’t have the nerve for it.

I remember as a primary school youngster being given five packs of football stickers instead of the four I’d paid for. Anxious to complete my collection I opened the extra pack – and was immediately consumed by guilt.

I could hardly sleep that night for the fear that I was about to be arrested and returned to the shop the next day to own up and pay up.

No, I’m never going to be a master criminal.