I don’t really think it’s sunk in just how important these exams that I’m sitting are. It’s all well and good to say that you know they’re going to have a massive impact on your life, but to actually understand and acknowledge that, right now, seems completely absurd.
Currently, I think I may be living in a dream world. Life currently doesn’t feel particularly normal. I’m not sure if it’s the fact I’m not following a structured, day-to-day routine, or if I am actually sleeping this whole time, or not actually alive at all, but everything in life right now just seems a bit odd, all because of Highers.
The fact that the results that will be posted through my front door at the beginning of August will determine how my future will pan out hasn’t really dawned on me yet. The knowledge that I need a minimum of one A and three B’s to even be considered for a journalism course at uni hasn’t registered yet.
This doesn’t mean to say I’m not stressing about them. Everyone who wants to do well in these exams is stressing over them. I think it’s partially the stress that is making my little world seem quite surreal right now.
This strange feeling is also possibly down to the fact that I’m having some pretty unusual dreams about disastrous exam papers. I’m even dreaming about maths and English, the two subjects I’ve already sat. Of course, that should make me realise that these exams do, actually mean something, whereas with Standard Grades they had less of an impact on my future.
Not realising how important Highers are isn’t necessarily a bad thing. It means that I haven’t completely terrified myself into oblivion over them. It doesn’t mean that I’m not studying – those who know me know how hard I’m working in order to actually pass these.
But, at the end of the day, that’s really the only thing that matters. That I pass them. Regardless of how much I’m living in la-la land, how important these are, how hard I’ve worked, as long as I pass, then I’m sorted.
One A and three B’s — I’m coming for you.